Music: My Absolute Faves

So one of the posts in the 30 posts in 30 days thing that I'm doing on my tumblr got me thinking. It asked me to post my favourite song, to which I replied I Don't Care by Fall Out Boy. Now this is completely correct because I absolutely adore that song, but it got me thinking that I have so many favourite songs that it cannot possibly be narrowed down to just one. Mostly because I have a favourite song for different genres, moods, occasions etc. So now I'm starting a list, and what better place to put said list than right here ;) So here goes:

song of all time: I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy
theme song for my life: What's My Age Again - Blink-182
romantic song: Don't - Elvis
lullaby: I don't want to live on the moon - Ernie on Sesame Street
country song: Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks
rock song: Call Me - Shinedown
punk song: Come as you are: Nirvana
rap song:  Stan - Eminem
song of the 80s: Here I go Again - Whitesnake
song of the 90s: Wannabe - Spice Girls
One hit wonder: What's Up - 4 Non-Blondes
Female musician: Pat Benatar
Male musician: Elvis Presley
All female group: Spice Girls
All male group: New Kids on the Block
song to sing while doing the dishes: MMMBop - Hanson
song to wake up to: You Make my dreams come true - Hall & Oats
song to sing a capella style: Can't Help Falling in Love - Elvis Presley
daddy/daughter dance: Butterfly Kisses - Bob Carisle

Okay so this list is like not completely finished, obviously. But this is a work in progress, and will be constantly added to as the mode or idea strikes me. and maybe it would be awesome to make some other lists, like movies, tv shows, books, authors etc... Just some food for thought, or actually it's more like some ideas for future posts.

Peace, Love and Happiness to all Bloggerverse!

A nonsensical cleansing and venting of sorts

Okay so honestly I must have something mentally wrong with me. And I don't just mean in general or something, even though I know that to be the complete truth. But I mean today especially and for the past few days. Mostly because I cannot even form simple sentences to get my point across without blanking out or freezing mid-thought without the words ever coming out of my mouth or even halfway to my mouth. I don't even form the words before I freeze up. It might just be nerves or the fact that I'm tired out of my mind but I think it might be more than that because coffee, food, air, exercise or even a simple shower cannot seem to get me to wake up out of this nonsensical kind of funk. And it is really starting to get the kids concerned... Well mostly Syd. She has been an absolute angel today since I explained to her what was going on. (before that she went so far as to throw a huge tantrum when I asked her to take a shower while I did Jared's homework....but now she's fine) I, on the other hand, cannot understand what is happening to me and I feel like a complete wreck..... I seriously had a dream last night that made no sense at the time, but now it makes so much sense that I am terrified. I dreamed that I was locked up in a hospital, well okay institution, because I was a danger to myself and others. First off, I have never been a threat to anyone unless they attacked me first. Okay there was that time in high school when I slapped Elo by accident and without thinking, but I didn't do it intentionally and it didn't even hurt. maybe just my hand and her pride. but besides that I have never been a threat or danger to anyone who didn't deserve it first. no matter what my parents think. I may have thought that I would want to kill myself, and I may think that because my life has done nothing but go to the shits that it means that I was never supposed to be on this planet and that I have nothing to gain from being here in this life. as if it is all a huge mistake. but those are just thoughts and nothing will even come out of them... it is just immature and irrational thoughts of the lost inner child from within a much more lost, jaded and mature adult............. And I honestly have no idea where I was going with this....... Oh yeah... I have no idea what is happening to me, or what my dream meant, or whatever. But I am terrified that it is going to get worse and that my aunt and uncle will notice and feel that I can't look after the kids anymore..... that would crush me to the extreme.. not only because I get paid to watch them, on the contrary that is the least of my worries. I'm mostly worried that the structure and balance that I receive here will be taken away and what is happening to me will only get worse.............

 

So I have all these concerned going on through my head and they are only made worse by everything that is happening around me and in my life. Everything is basically falling apart and I'm just a bystander who has to watch it all from the side lines and just do nothing..... So, completely mifted about my circumstances, I did something that I should have stopped before it happened or at least fixed before it became to late and messed things up so completely that I couldn't fix it at all.... I sent an email, since the only thing I trust myself to do at this moment in time is to express myself with words, on Sunday night. I don't think that the person I sent it to got it at all, or even if they did, that they would read it because well I don't deserve it. But I sent it anyway, in an attempt to fix something that should never have broke in the first place. I was a bitch, and I know it, and I will be eternally sorry. But I don't think it will help. As far as I know, I burned that bridge down so long ago  and to such an extreme that it cannot ever be repaired... for which I have no one but myself to blame and for that I am so angry that I cannot possibly explain it in words............. If by some grace of the goddess, or some luck with the internet fairies, the person I sent the email to reads this, then I just want to tell them again that I hate myself for everything that happened and I want to try to fix things because I miss having them around and I really wish we could be friends again. Not just because I need them or need to talk to them or anybody really, but because when we were friends I was kinda grounded and I could talk to them about anything and even though they didn't really understand what I was talking about, they tried to and tried to help and that always made it easier to deal with or to come out of with a sunny perspective or at least a positive one.

 

Anyway, enough venting for me and enough wasting time when I have work to do......

 

Peace, Love and Happiness to All!

 

                  Rae

Tons of Reading happening

Sault Bloggerverse!

I've been reading almost nonstop for what seems like forever, when in fact it has only been two, maybe three weeks and I have been devouring the last half of Kenyon's Dark-Hunter/Were-Hunter/Dream-Hunter series.I am completely serious when I say that Ms Kenyon is an incredibly fantastic and awe-inspiring author that is truly a gift to the world! I've read, geez, it must be six or seven books in the last month and am completely saddened by the fact that I am halfway through "Bad Moon Rising" which is the latest out in the series. The next book comes out at the end of the year I think, maybe later.

But I know I have been saying this in the last couple of posts, but If you have not already heard of Ms Kenyon and her series, then you should totally get on the bandwagon and join us. If you love or even like to read paranormal romance novels, with an added twist of ancient Greek myth, then you will love these books and this series!

I'm not exactly sure which series I will continue reading once I am done "Bad Moon Rising". I think I might read another of the True Blood series, but then again maybe I'll continue J.R. Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood's series. Or some of the other 30 books I have unread on my shelf :S Ohhhh boy, this is exactly what happens when classes and school gets in the way of reading lol

Take care out there and remember that by reading you are enriching your mind and taking yourself out of the hustle and bustle of your everyday life. Enjoy a good book today and be much happier tomorrow!

Peace, Love and Happiness to all!

If you're looking for a good series to read....

Hello fellow Bloggers or Blog readers,

I know it has been awhile since my last post, but honestly I've been really busy, what with finals and the summer semester and such. But I'm about to find quite a bit more time on my hands because I'm not taking another semester at school until September and I'm about to start my job as a live-in nanny on Monday. I am sure that I will be finding a lot more time to write and more interesting subjects to talk about.

Right now I want to talk about is the most amazing author that I have found in the last year or so. She has been around and writing for a long while now, but I only just discovered her in the last year or so. Sherrilyn Kenyon is simply amazing! I have read practically all of her Dark-Hunter and Dream-Hunter novels and I have to say that I was sucked right into the world have have yet to emerge!

Don't take this the wrong way, because I mean all of her novels are amazing and all of the characters seem so real and make you want to continue reading and learning about their world. But my personal favourites have to be Zarek of Moesia, and Wren Tigarian.

Zarek is seen throughout several of the novels, but main story is found in Dance with the Devil. It has been awhile since I have read it, but I remember practically everything about this amazing story and gorgeous, stunning, misunderstood, angel with devil horns and fangs character. Zarek quickly became my favourite character with his "don't mess with me" and "it's me against the world" attitudes. I don't really understand the attraction but there is certainly something about a man who can be so tender and loving one moment and so blood thirsty and violent the next. Like all the other Dark-Hunters, Zarek will rather die than see anyone hurt; well okay Zarek would rather die than see his wife and family die, but that just makes him more sexy :D

Wren is also seen throughout several of the novels, mostly in the Bear Clan's Sanctuary Bar as the misunderstood and extremely private mute in need of protection whose only friend is a monkey named Marvin. But his main story is found within Unleash the Night. I have to admit that I never really paid attention to Wren in the earlier novels. He was there, but was never really important and never really stood out. But I believe that that was what Kenyon meant to do because that is exactly who Wren is. He doesn't like to stand out from the crowd or be the center of attention. Like Zarek, he just wants to be left alone to take care of himself and live out his life in peace and quiet. Of course, as in any romance novel, that all ends when he meets the love of his life. Even though Wren isn't a Dark-Hunter, he is actually a Were Snow Leopard and Tiger mix. I don't want to ruin the novel but OMG his past is scary and it is no wonder why he hid behind his long blond dreads and monkey friend for so long.

Kenyon is simply amazing! Her novels are fantastic and I am so incredibly psyched to read more. Right now I'm starting to read book #14 Devil May Cry But I own, thanks to a lot of spending help from my Aunt, all the rest of the books that are out, so the last one that I own is Bad Moon Rising about Fang and Aimee. My aunt already read it and said that it was incredible and that she couldn't put it down! I'm really excited to get to the end because my pile of books to read is humongous and I have a tiny problem where I buy books faster than I can read them :S

If I could ask or say anything to Mrs Sherrilyn Kenyon about her novels would be to ask if hunky Were-Hunter Fury Kattalakis and smexy Pirate Dark-Hunter Jean-Luc Tessier are going to have their own novels or not? I mean I noticed while reading that she sets up a novel plot for Fury within many of the novels where he is featured, so hopefully a Fury book is in the making. And Honestly, I have to go back and check, but I can't remember if Jean-Luc is killed off or not in the last book where he was featured..... I really hope that he wasn't because I love the idea of a pirate Dark-Hunter!

So the whole point of this completely scattered blog entry, was to suggest that if any of you want to read a really good paranormal romance series, I suggest that you look at both the Dark-Hunter and Dream-Hunter series by Sherrilyn Kenyon. I can guarantee that you will not be able to put the books down and will instantly fall in love with several if not all of the characters!

Peace and Love

Things that Make you Want to say AHHHHH

Hello and Good Evening to everyone and anyone who cares to read what I have to say

I am writing to you all from the comfort of my living room couch while watching one of my favourite actresses in one of my favourite movies. That is right, I am watching Reese Witherspoon playing opposite Mark Ruffalo in Just Like Heaven... I have to say that this movie gives me hope in the strength and power of true love and to the length some people will go to get what they want. But then again, even though I love this movie and the fact that I am unfortunately a hopeless romantic, this movie and many other of its genre make me incredibly mad. I mean what is the point of having fairy tales and happy endings when they only exist in movies and books. The reality of life is that none of this is real. If you end up in a coma because of some terrible car accident, you are not going to appear as a spirit or ghost in your apartment and become only visible to the man who is renting out your home. If you eat a poison apple or get pricked by a poisoned spindle, getting kissed by some random stranger who is supposedly your "true love" is not going to wake you up and get you better. The fact of the matter is, in all of these cases, you will most likely end up dead, in the ground, and that will be the end of that. Now I understand that these are all extreme and totally unlikely circumstances. So let's get more realistic here for a second. If we are all supposed to have this one person that we are meant to be with for the rest of our lives, how are we supposed to know who they are. I mean you could be friends with them since childhood and never realize that you're meant to be together forever. Or you could pass them on the street, or sit beside them on the bus, who knows. How are we supposed to know that we're meant to be together if we never meet. Or if we do meet, who is to say that we actually "click' or that we are even attracted to each other. I mean honestly, who is there to say that your "soul mate" isn't this butt ugly abusive asshole? Honestly, if that is my future, then I will gladly avoid that sink hole. But then again, by the same rules, who is to say that your "soul mate" isn't incredibly gorgeous, intelligent, and rich? Honestly I will settle for someone who is sweet, funny, and makes me feel loved or at least appreciated. It would be only added perks if he were rich and gorgeous. When I was younger, I was totally into the whole "soul mate" "true love" concepts with the whole kit and kabutal, like the huge wedding, tons of kids the white picket fence and two story house. But I've come down to reality and realized that none of that ever happens. I'm actually really sad about that fact but it is kind of refreshing to know that I'm not the only one who is doomed

Okay, so I know that I said that I would talk about this reoccurring series of dreams that have been haunting me, and I totally will right now however briefly, because the diatribe above has a whole lot to do with my dreams.

 Have you ever had one of those dreams that totally freak you out because you never expected to have it? I mean really, really freaked you out? because that is what has been happening since geez I think December if not later, or maybe earlier...???.... I have no idea, I can't remember. But anyway it has been happening a lot and really frequently. And not only at night when I'm sleeping, but the dreams have started happening in the forms of daydreams, and randomly like when I'm on the bus, or walking to school, or checking my emails. I will totally just zone out and the dreams just rush to me and I'm in a strange room in some compromising position, mostly up against a door, and he is there. I mean of course he is there but come on! There has never been an "us" except for in my messed up head. I have this bad habit of becoming slightly obsessed with my crushes. Not in the stalker kind of obsessive, or in the I can't eat or breathe without being near them or seeing them kind of way. No I'm mostly the mental kind of obsessive. They are always on my mind, but I never do anything about the crush because I know that it is all in my head. Most of the time it only last a week or so. The longest one of these mental crushes lasted 2 years and the shortest was 1 day. So all of the time, I do nothing about it because it is all in my head, mostly. I mean there obviously must be something with my longer crushes, some kind of attraction or something. But I still do nothing because I'm still convinced it is still in my head. But with this one guy it's been, geez almost since I've known him, I've liked him. But, of course, never did anything about it more then the casual friendly flirt and to be honest I'm not very good at that, I'm more terrifying then flirty... but whatever... anyway so when the dreams started I hadn't seen or heard from in in like six months and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, I have this incredibly hot, sweaty, and embarrassing dream with him. One of those dreams where you even wake up embarrassed! :S But when I woke up I wasn't just embarrassed, I was also frustrated...like really frustrated. One of the many reasons was because, in the dream, we were totally interrupted by some motherly voice asking if we were there and if we were hungry.... odd right?! so anyway, the dream, and many different facets and aspects of the dream keep coming back to me and it is driving me NUTS!!!!!

One of my friends suggested that these dreams are like the cosmos trying to tell me to do something about making it happen, but I dunno... I did, out of some twisted, masochistic, and sadistic sense of personal torture; text him and hinted about the dream and the outcome both in the dream and afterward. He made some comment about not knowing what the future holds for everyone and blah blah blah. But what really drives me nuts is that we've been texting each other more frequently now, msning and all that and have been trying to set up sometime to meet up for drinks or movies or whatever. every time gets canceled.... Mostly because it is the flippin hockey season, but also because I am a freaking scaredy cat..but whatever... It isn't happening and I'm fed up!! I am at the point where I am trying to completely forget about the whole thing and just move on but omg the dreams!!! they don't want to give up and let me be!!!

Any ideas about what I can do??? Please? Anyone?

Peace, Love and Happiness to all!

Airing out the Crazies part 2

Hello Blogger Universe,

I promised last time to explain my love for two NFL teams. The Minnesota Vikings and the New England Patriots! Now since I was a little girl who just wanted to spend some time with her father, I have loved sports and science fiction. More specifically I have loved watching sports, mainly the NFL. I used to spend all year in anticipation of the upcoming football season, because I would be able to spend the weekends with my father on the couch where I would be taught the many rules and regulations, terminologies and hand signals as well as the many ways to yell at the ref and coaches. These became and remain my favourite moments of my childhood, especially since I am the product of a separated and then divorced family.

Throughout the years one team has remained near and dear to my father. The New England Patriots have always been my dad's team. He would always make sure that we were watching a Pats game and used to boast that it was his dream to go to the Super Bowl where the Pats would play for the ultimate trophy any NFL team could win.... I, like the perfect Daddy's little girl that I am, have also always loved the Patriots.

However my father allowed me to make up my own mind and to have my own ideas. I started to enjoy the game, the teams, the colours and the excitement. Steve Young, San Francisco 49ers QB became my favourite until he retired (1999) and with his retirement came a deep sadness for me. I blamed the team for some unknown and wacky reason. And decided that the Oakland Raiders needed my devotion... Not my proudest moment but it happened... And then, thanks to a Christmas present from my Dad, I found Randy Moss WR!!! Since that time I have followed Moss' career, for the most part. The Minnesota Vikings became my fast favourite due to Moss, but mainly because their main team colour was and still is Purple... Since then Randy Moss has been my all-time favourite player and when he got traded to Oakland I basically stopped watching for a season, because I couldn't go through the hopelessness that is involved with being a Raiders fan. So when Moss became a Patriot, I was ecstatic. But that does not mean that I have lost my love for the Vikings. I have tried to stay loyal to the Vikings despite the fact that Moss is in New England, in fact whenever I play Madden I insist in playing the Vikings. But other than that I am completely split between the two teams.

Next time, I plan on finishing up with the introductions with establishing the idea that I am not crazy or anything like that because I have re-occurring dreams. Okay, maybe a little bit crazy, but not totally because I honestly do not feel crazy but then again I have no idea why I am having these dreams, especially since they are merely that, dreams. They have never happened in real life unlike many of my nightmares... That's another thing, nightmares, no matter how old you are, are FREAKING TERRIFYING! and I truly believe that the older you are the scarier they get, and that sometimes things that scare you when you are little are just as scary, if not more so, as you get older....

Peace, Love and Happy Dreams to all!

Meeting, Greeting, and Airing out the Crazies

Salut blogger world!

As you will all come to learn, my name is Rae and this is my blog. ;D Now many people set up blogs for many different reasons, and if you are looking for your average blogs where people air their dirty laundry and daily events and achievements of the lives, this is sooo not the place for you..... If you know me, or have bothered to read the side bar where I tell ya'll about myself, I am an aspiring novelist, who just needs a creative outlet to empty my head of all the chaos in order to push my creative ideas to the forefront and enable me to complete my first novel. Now this might seem completely crazy, but it has been my experience that if I talk or write things out my ideas come out more easily and they are usually fantastic ideas.

Now I want to welcome all of my readers, if there are any, to my blog. I hope that my nonsensical ramblings make you feel more at ease or understand me better or whatever. I want to make clear though, that this is a blog to merely "air out the crazies" that jumble and clog up my head. Most of the time that means that I will be talking about things that have been bothering me or haunting me or replaying on a constant loop inside of my head, and other times it will mean that I just want to bounce some new ideas for my novels off of anyone who reads this, or at the very least, with the immensity that is cyberspace.

Today, for instance, is Wednesday May 12th. And anyone, who calls themselves a Montrealer, will be glued to a television screen somewhere in or out of the city, in order to watch game 7 between our boys Cammie, Halak, PK and the rest of the Habs team versus Crosby and the Pens... I, however, like during game 6, will be in my Late Victorian and Edwardian Writing class from 6:30 to 9pm.... Normally this wouldn't bother me. I am immensely proud to admit that I am a huge NFL fan, Go Viks! and Go Pats! (yes I'm torn between the two but I'll eventually get around to explaining why) and really never bothered with any other sport because football rules, names, plays etc took up most of my brain capacity that is used for sports. And for the most part, that is still true. But I have been assimilated, at least for playoff season, to make sure that the bleu blanc rouge wins and brings home the Stanley Cup! So anyway, I will be unable to watch the game, but I have a system, lol. It is called having a cell phone, twitter, and having a friend who tweets the scores. plus having a sister who will watch the game and also text me the scores and end of period scores and whatnot. So, yes, I will be constantly receiving texts to my phone, but that is why they invented silent mode :P So even though I will be suffering through a horrendous course that makes me want to pull my eyes out slowly with my push-men pencil, I will be connected to reality and the game through my phone. :D  GO HABS GO!

Now I have so much to say, specially about a reoccurring dream that has me waking up smiling and keeps me happy for a few hours until I realize that it was merely a dream and will never actually come true because he is a dodging shifty jerkwad....grrrrrr!!!........But I feel as though I have revealed enough for my first post. But believe me, there will be more.

Peace, Love and Happiness to all!