There comes a time in every person's life where they have to grab life by the horns and take charge of the way their life is headed. For many, especially for University Grads like myself, this means actually applying for jobs in their field of study. Then again for some, okay so maybe for most, there are no openings in their field and they are therefore forced to apply for basically anything. I am currently faced with having to go through this torturous activity and it is not only causing me to re-assess my life and career goals, it is also incredibly discouraging!
As you may or may not know, I have recently received all of my credits in order to receive my B.A in English Literature and Classical Civilizations from Concordia University, and am currently a few payments and reviewing processes away from receiving said degree. And for the past couple of weeks, okay so for the past couple of months, I have been in major denial over the whole thing and have been continuously postponing the whole job application process. This evening, however, I reached my boiling point and decided, with the help of my best friend, to write up my CV and start searching/applying for jobs online.
The process of creating a CV (a resume) is incredibly daunting. Especially for someone with literally no paying job experience! Instead I had to write about all of my volunteer work that I did on summer and Holiday breaks during College and University, and the work I did in the clubs during College. So basically my CV is incredibly short and consists of the fact that I am a hard worker, fast learner, semi-bilingual, and have volunteered as a Kindergarten Teacher's Assistant, Elementary School English Exam invigilator and correcter, helped Special Needs students with Video/Audio projects, and was a club secretary in charge of meeting minutes, membership, and event planning and organization. Oh and of course, as a Summer tutor in multiple subject.
So all in all, my CV basically screams the fact that I have been accomplishing nothing in terms of my career in writing and editing, and have in fact been helping my immediate world learn the read and write better English. Hopefully this fact is something that will interest my future employers because it is all the experience I have! I am so incredibly discouraged by how I've been living my life until now. I mean, I have no job experience that actually counts, and the list of references that I will supply upon demand should theoretically consist of the principal and teachers of the elementary school I volunteered at and the people I tutored during the summer. Well I have no idea how to get into contact with said teachers and principal anymore, since I strongly believe that they have either retired or changed schools. So no go there. And the people I tutored, were my cousins, and I was actually a stay at home Nanny and tutor. So that volunteer work was for my Aunt. Who I know would be willing to be a reference for me, but I mean she's my aunt, and does that really count?
The next process on this tumultuous ride was actually searching for an English Writing job in the Montreal Area. Anyone who knows Montreal, knows that, despite being a multicultural city, it is predominantly a French province with tons of job opportunities for those who are exceptionally fluent in French. I am, despite growing up in the Montreal area, am predominantly English with a moderate level of French knowledge. Basically what I mean is that I can read and understand written French with little problems, I can fumble my way through a French conversation, and with the help of a French dictionary or Translator I can write in French with little problems. But my abilities in French is NO WHERE near the kind of experience one needs to survive in the job world of Montreal.
Over the last couple of weeks, I've been periodically scanning the job postings on several websites (Craigslist, Monster, Careerjet, Jobs Montreal etc) and have noticed that most of the jobs in my area are requiring their potential employees to be fluently bilingual and have prior experience. I have neither.
Luckily, this evening I found some great postings for experienced and semi experienced English writers in the Montreal area. And all I needed to do was to email in my CV along with some sample writing pieces for them to look at. Of course, being an avid writer and English Lit Major I had a tremendous difficulty finding suitable pieces to send in. (Mostly because I am probably my own worst critic, as well as the fact that the piece I am the most proud of is a work in progress that I hope to get published one day and don't really want others to see and potentially steal). But I was able to chose three or four pieces that I've written and am happy about and submitted 3 applications this evening.
YAY ME! lol
I am incredibly worried now. I have no idea if I will be getting a call back from any of these companies, and if they do call back what I'll do, what'll happen etc. And if they don't call back? What then?
O.M.G. I'm so nervous!!!!
Nope, scratch that whole thing. I am an incredibly positive person, and as such I strongly believe that they will all want to hire me because I am ultra fab and perfect for their companies. ;)
That, however, is not going to stop me from applying at more positions tomorrow and the days following until I have applied everywhere I possibly can and have officially accepted the job of my dreams! or at least the job that'll best help me pursue those dreams.
I think that's it for tonight. I basically just wanted to express how torturous the whole application and searching process is and how troubled I've become because of it. If you have any tips on how to make this process any easier on myself, or if you have any tips, advice or information about the Montreal job Market. I will really appreciate all the help I can get!
Peace, Love and Happiness to all!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
The Important Things In Life
With so much negative energies floating around in the world today it is incredibly important to set aside those times when you just get it all out and forget about it all. Spend a few hours or even days, if you can spare the time, and just get out of your head and embrace the positive side of the world and, not to sound corny or too much like a Disney Movie, but ♫ Forget about your troubles and your strife ♫ lol
Tonight was one of those nights for me. I've been, obviously, so caught up on the negative side of things that tonight I welcomed the time out. My best Girlie called me up around 8pm tonight and asked if I wanted to chill with her and I thought, What a fantastic idea. I always have a great time with her. We usually spend the time discussing our favourite Romance novels, movies, television shows, or simply chat about life or how insane we both are. All in all Good times are had by all when we're together. Although a lot of our guy friends end up needing copious amounts of alcohol to deal with us together, because things tend to get really crazy!
So we decide to hit up the local DQ because we both are hot and dying for some ice cream. Okay, so I'm dying for some ice cream, and she (being lactose intolerant) is dying for some Rae time lol. Right so since my cell is on the fritz, we agree to meet up halfway between our houses and then walk to the DQ, which is right across the street from her place. Well an hour later, after showers and getting ready, she phones my place and tells me that her bf will be joining us and he's decided to drive and pick me up instead of walking. Cool with me because it's kinda dark out already and the Father is already starting to drive me nutzoid about me being a girl and walking outside alone after dark. As if we live in a bad neighbourhood or something. geez! lol anyway. So five minutes later I'm in the back of her car and on the way to DQ :)
During the ten minute drive I catch her up on all my drama, to which she delivers a huge "Told you so", which I gracefully accept. And then it's on to our normal discussions of books, tv, daily life etc. Get to DQ and I order a Large Xtreme Chocolate Blizzard with Reese Chunks added, two spoons and her bf gets a soft vanilla cone dipped in chocolate. We grab a booth and begin out two plus hours of just chillaxing, eating ice cream and talking about everything and anything.
I honestly cannot remember the last time when I have ever laughed so much or so hard in such a short time frame! I had a blast! and totally forgot about everything negative. Only positive vibes were getting through to us and it was incredibly fun! I really enjoy those times when you just kick back and bust a gut laughing about anything and everything. And one of the most important things to laugh about is......Yourself.
Tonight was one of those nights for me. I've been, obviously, so caught up on the negative side of things that tonight I welcomed the time out. My best Girlie called me up around 8pm tonight and asked if I wanted to chill with her and I thought, What a fantastic idea. I always have a great time with her. We usually spend the time discussing our favourite Romance novels, movies, television shows, or simply chat about life or how insane we both are. All in all Good times are had by all when we're together. Although a lot of our guy friends end up needing copious amounts of alcohol to deal with us together, because things tend to get really crazy!
So we decide to hit up the local DQ because we both are hot and dying for some ice cream. Okay, so I'm dying for some ice cream, and she (being lactose intolerant) is dying for some Rae time lol. Right so since my cell is on the fritz, we agree to meet up halfway between our houses and then walk to the DQ, which is right across the street from her place. Well an hour later, after showers and getting ready, she phones my place and tells me that her bf will be joining us and he's decided to drive and pick me up instead of walking. Cool with me because it's kinda dark out already and the Father is already starting to drive me nutzoid about me being a girl and walking outside alone after dark. As if we live in a bad neighbourhood or something. geez! lol anyway. So five minutes later I'm in the back of her car and on the way to DQ :)
During the ten minute drive I catch her up on all my drama, to which she delivers a huge "Told you so", which I gracefully accept. And then it's on to our normal discussions of books, tv, daily life etc. Get to DQ and I order a Large Xtreme Chocolate Blizzard with Reese Chunks added, two spoons and her bf gets a soft vanilla cone dipped in chocolate. We grab a booth and begin out two plus hours of just chillaxing, eating ice cream and talking about everything and anything.
I honestly cannot remember the last time when I have ever laughed so much or so hard in such a short time frame! I had a blast! and totally forgot about everything negative. Only positive vibes were getting through to us and it was incredibly fun! I really enjoy those times when you just kick back and bust a gut laughing about anything and everything. And one of the most important things to laugh about is......Yourself.
All three of us laughed so much about ourselves. Okay so maybe it was just laughing about me and her. (her bf is really kinda shy and quiet.... kinda weirds me out when people are quiet actually) But I realized another truth about myself that people don't really know unless they are close to me........
I cannot seem to breathe and think at the same time.......
HAHA.....
Incredibly funny right! But it is Sooooo True!!!!
When I'm really concentrating on something, I just stop breathing. I have no idea why but it really happens. And there are times when my brain completely just shuts off and I go completely blank, truly thinking of nothing at all except Inhale. Exhale. ...... Or Breathe In. Breathe Out. .............So embarrassing but I laughed so much because of this!
I truly believe that it is important to laugh about yourself and the stupid things you do or say because then it doesn't hurt so much when someone else does it to spite you. It won't hurt if you make a joke out of it. And that is totally what I did:
A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones on. She asks the woman working there for a haircut. The blonde sits down in the chair. The woman takes the blonde's headphones off and cuts her hair. At the end, the woman asks how she likes her hair but, to her surprise the blonde is dead! The woman picks up the headphones and listens. She hears: " Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. "
lol The general consensus was that I am totally like that blonde! Well that and that I have a guy brain. I can either think of absolutely nothing at all. OR I can think of like fifty different things at the same time. And if someone were to ask me what I was thinking about Or What was on my mind, my response would have to be "Nothing " because it is just easier that way instead of explaining everything. Also if I were to respond with "a whole bunch of things " that would open up specific questions about what kind of things and that would just be too annoying to go through the list and answer it all... SO Nothing is a much better answer lol
Yeah so all in all a Tres fab night, Good times were had by all. And we're going to hang out again possibly on Sunday and most definitely next week! More than likely to laugh out loud tons about anything and everything!
Peace, Love and Happiness to All! And remember to smile and Laugh!
Friday, July 8, 2011
10 Things No One Knows About Me
When I originally started out this blog, I wanted to use it as a means of clearing my head like one would clean out their closet or bedroom, in order to make room for new and interesting things, like the rest of my novel to come to me in some way so that I could finally complete it. So far, this hasn't really happened. However I have been able to add another ten or so pages so I guess it isn't all bad. :-)
A few days ago I posted something incredibly personal, because it was on my mind and bothering me, and hoped that the fact I was addressing and attempting to come to terms with a problem I have, it would stop playing such an important part of my everyday life. Unfortunately, it has just come to haunt me over the last few days and emphasize the truth in my declaration. Now I know that this and the last few post make me seem all negative, down, depressed or whatever, but really I'm not. I'm just a tad upset as of late and am hoping for the positive to come back into my life. Things ARE starting to turn around for me, but I've realized some betrayals as of the last two or three days and they have been really bothering me, especially today. So before I go on with the top ten list that I have planned, I just want to catch ya'll up on the drama, so please just bear with me
Remember the guy I was texting back in April? Well I haven't spoken to him in over two weeks, and haven't texted with him since my birthday weekend, so umm June 18th or so. I was totally crushing on him, and not just "Wow he's hott!" Nah I mean the whole kit and kabootle. I'd have steamy dreams about him and the future and all that jazz. Even though I knew I wouldn't do anything about those feelings, it was just nice to have them and have someone to flirt with...... Such a bad idea...... Not only do I find out from my best friend a week later (when she went camping with my sister and a whole bunch of their friends) that he's been texting SEVERAL seventeen and younger girls, I find out that one of them was MY underage sister. I knew, because I'm not a complete idiot, that the two of them had been texting, talking and hanging out, but I trusted my sister because she knew, actually better than I did, how I felt. I also figured that she'd tell me. Nope, she finally admitted to it this afternoon, over a private facebook message, the whole thing, believing that I had no idea what was happening. The only reason she told me about it, was because she found out he's apparently back with his ex and she's kinda falling for his charm.....
Am I hurt? Kinda, yeah. Not devastated or anything like that. I've realized that I'm not even mad at my sister, just hurt that she didn't trust me or respect me enough to tell me right away and to my face. I'm also angry at myself that I would fall so easily for a douche hat like that who obviously enjoys playing with girls minds as a means of stroking his own ego and making himself feel better. Thank the gods above that it never went any farther than texting between me and him, and I pray to those same gods that my sister had enough brains inside her head to keep it platonic too.
Okay, so rant over. I'm over it all now and more importantly I'm over him. (My bestie will be so happy when I tell her lol. She's been trying to get me to focus on someone else since April. Mission accomplished. Finally lol)
Now onto the main topic of the day. Getting to know me better. :)
As a future award winning author ;) and someone who values open and honest relationships. I feel it is important that my life is like an open book. I admit, that some things should be kept private and behind closed doors. But I believe that if you're open and honest, no one can hurt you and throw things back into your face. For instance if I were currently an award winning author and pseudo-celebrity (because obviously my novels and series will have to be made into movies and television series) : P I would not want the tabloids or press to try and kibosh me with anything that happened in my past or something that happened in my life. If my life is an open book, that wouldn't happen without me first admitting to it. Thus avoiding the cause for any kind of scandals and losing the faith of my fans, family and friends.
So without further ado, 10 Things No One Knows About Me
2. I am a complete and total sci fi, fantasy and superhero geek. I have read as many DC and Marvel comics (The ones about the X-Men are my faves) as I can lay my hands on (most of them, if not all of them, bought by my father when he was growing up). I have read tons of DragonLance books as a teenager, as well as tons of other fantasy novels. And I grew up on Star Trek (complete TGN fanatic!), Star Wars (Love me the original trio), and Doctor Who :) (David Tennant ftw!)
3. I love to bake, and have loved it since I started baking when I was ten. I can successfully make tons of different kinds of cookies, cakes, breads, muffins, cupcakes, cobblers, pies etc. You name it and I can more than likely bake it. I actually wanted to be a pastry chef when I was in high school and cegep. But found out when I graduated from high school that I needed to be eighteen to get into the chef school in Montreal (I was only sixteen when I was applying to graduate) and that the only pastry schools in the area were either French or in Ontario. So due to the fact that I was apprehensive about leaving the Fam., and the fact that I am so not confident in my French to undertake such a commitment as going to school and learning in French, I decided not to. Even though I no longer want to be a professional pastry chef, does not mean that I would not like to at least attend a pastry school and learn the trade. Who knows, if the publishing world ever falls apart, at least then I'd be able to fall back on my love of all things ooey gooey and delicious : D
4. I cannot live without books. I have to have a book on me at all times, and if a purse is not big enough to hold a book, I do not buy it. Books are my life and I'd go completely psycho witch crazy without them. As of late. Okay fine, as of the last four years, I have been on a strict diet of Romance novels with a heavy dose of Paranormal added ; ) With authors like J.R. Ward, Anya Bast, Rhyannon Byrd and Sherrilyn Kenyon gracing my bookshelves as well as tons of others. I just LOVE them! There is just something about a strong cast of characters and a good story that puts me in a good mood and makes me unable to tear myself away from a book. The added sex scenes are definitely a plus but not the only reason to read a Romance novel. They are not all mushy and trashy. Yes, there are dirty and unrealistic scenarios in a lot of the books, with the whole caveman attitude seem hot and desirable, but the heroines of a lot of these novels are also, in most cases, head strong and determined types of the every day career woman. I started off reading Historical Romance novels set in the Highlands of Scotland, and while I will never turn down the chance of reading about a brawny Scotsman with warbraids and a Kilt, there is just something about the Paranormal world of vampires, weres, shapeshifters and Fae that really takes a girl out of her reality and puts her somewhere incredible :)
5. I have a huge thing for guys with Blue eyes. I used to go for the whole tall blonde and handsome thing, but I've realized that it really doesn't matter if the guy is tall or short, blonde or brown, muscular or skinny, etc. Just as long as he has blue eyes, I am one happy woman. I don't really understand it myself, but blues eyes just have this power over me that make my brain stop working and my knees get weak. It's really embarrassing actually. And while I adore Green eyes, there is just something about guys with blue eyes that makes me just sit up and purr. Not literally but you get it.
6. I am a true Gemini, in like every sense of the world. I have at least two personalities and more than likely more. But I am not two faced. I will tell it like it is to anyone and everyone whether they like it or not. I am both brutally honest and outgoing, and shy and recluse at the same time. Or, more technically, at different times. I don't like having these two different personalities, and cannot control either of them very well. One minute I can be this carefree and vibrant person and then in the next moment I become all closed off, shy and defenseless person who cowers at every possible moment. It is ridiculous. Pure and Simple. But C'est la Vie. and I've learned to semi-deal with it.
7. I love Broadway Musicals. I think this stems from my love and admiration of The Wizard of Oz. But ever since high school I've loved musicals. I have seen Cats preformed live two or three times, and have watched the television performance on PBS, my VHS and DVD tons of times. (I love Victoria, the pure White Cat) I have also watched Rent, Chicago, Jesus Christ Superstar, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show on TV and DVD. I have listened to Ragtime, Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Evita, The Producers and almost everything that Andrew Lloyd Weber had a hand in creating. And I love television shows like Glee that emphasis the importance of Music and musicals in everyday life. I have yet, unfortunately, gotten to actually go to Broadway and watch a Musical be performed there, opting instead to watch Cats be performed at Place des arts here in Mtl. But I dream of going to NYC and watching Wicked and many other musicals one day in the not so far off future :)
8. My favourite actor is Adam Sandler. I know it sounds crazy, but I really enjoy watching him in movies. I have actually seen something like 80% of all the movies he has acted in. With 50 First Dates (co-starring Drew Barrymore and Sean Astin) being my all time fave. But I also just watched his movie with Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It, and that was simply amazing. And it was actually through that movie that I realized that I actually seek out and enjoy anything to do with Adam Sandler. He not only makes me laugh a whole bunch, but I also love the happy endings, and romance that he brings to his comedy films. I also love how he is able to work with just about anyone and make the relationship believable and chemistry shine. I am totally looking forward to watching Zookeeper that is coming out soon, if it isn't already, in which Sandler voices the character of a Monkey. And his up coming movie (out June 15th 2012) called "I Hate You, Dad " in which he stars alongside Leighton Meester, and Susan Surandon, with Milo Ventimiglia, Andy Samberg, Ian Ziering and Vanilla Ice also included in the cast.
9. I still, to this day, sleep with a teddy bear. Actually, I have to sleep with two Doodle bears. One I got when I was twelve from my God-father, who I named DJ. And the other I stole from my sister, who was throwing it out anyway, which my cousins named Mr. Bear. If I do not have them to cuddle with, I go stir crazy and cannot sleep. Which I realize may seem childish and a bit obsessive, but I can't help it. I also understand that when I get to the point in my life where I have to start sharing my bed with a significant other, my whole obsession with the bears may cause problems, but my answer to that is, I'll hit that bridge when I come to it and not before lol
And Finally
10. Blood, guts, gore etc. makes me hungry. While most people turn away from the television or movie screen whenever something bloody or gory comes to the foreground, and I will admit I am a tad bit squeamish myself at times, I usually just get a craving for food. Usually a hamburger or even just chips. I usually try to deny these cravings but every once and awhile I give in. This fact baffles my family, because I am able to sit through shows like CSI, True Blood, Criminal Minds and Bones, as well as doctor shows like Grey's Anatomy, where blood is a everyday occurrence, and the standing rule is more guts more blood, more brutality equals higher ratings. I am able to sit through all of that, where any normal person will want to lose their lunch, and here I am hungry or even eating. I also, this past winter semester, sat through a two hour lecture on cannibalism and ritual blood sacrificing in the Greek Bronze Age, eating an apple during the lecture, and had to go over to McDo's after the class to grab a Cheese burger after the lecture. Dad says that I'm a sick individual, I just say that I've been desensitized to all things blood guts and gore and just associate it all with food.
A few days ago I posted something incredibly personal, because it was on my mind and bothering me, and hoped that the fact I was addressing and attempting to come to terms with a problem I have, it would stop playing such an important part of my everyday life. Unfortunately, it has just come to haunt me over the last few days and emphasize the truth in my declaration. Now I know that this and the last few post make me seem all negative, down, depressed or whatever, but really I'm not. I'm just a tad upset as of late and am hoping for the positive to come back into my life. Things ARE starting to turn around for me, but I've realized some betrayals as of the last two or three days and they have been really bothering me, especially today. So before I go on with the top ten list that I have planned, I just want to catch ya'll up on the drama, so please just bear with me
Remember the guy I was texting back in April? Well I haven't spoken to him in over two weeks, and haven't texted with him since my birthday weekend, so umm June 18th or so. I was totally crushing on him, and not just "Wow he's hott!" Nah I mean the whole kit and kabootle. I'd have steamy dreams about him and the future and all that jazz. Even though I knew I wouldn't do anything about those feelings, it was just nice to have them and have someone to flirt with...... Such a bad idea...... Not only do I find out from my best friend a week later (when she went camping with my sister and a whole bunch of their friends) that he's been texting SEVERAL seventeen and younger girls, I find out that one of them was MY underage sister. I knew, because I'm not a complete idiot, that the two of them had been texting, talking and hanging out, but I trusted my sister because she knew, actually better than I did, how I felt. I also figured that she'd tell me. Nope, she finally admitted to it this afternoon, over a private facebook message, the whole thing, believing that I had no idea what was happening. The only reason she told me about it, was because she found out he's apparently back with his ex and she's kinda falling for his charm.....
Am I hurt? Kinda, yeah. Not devastated or anything like that. I've realized that I'm not even mad at my sister, just hurt that she didn't trust me or respect me enough to tell me right away and to my face. I'm also angry at myself that I would fall so easily for a douche hat like that who obviously enjoys playing with girls minds as a means of stroking his own ego and making himself feel better. Thank the gods above that it never went any farther than texting between me and him, and I pray to those same gods that my sister had enough brains inside her head to keep it platonic too.
Okay, so rant over. I'm over it all now and more importantly I'm over him. (My bestie will be so happy when I tell her lol. She's been trying to get me to focus on someone else since April. Mission accomplished. Finally lol)
Now onto the main topic of the day. Getting to know me better. :)
As a future award winning author ;) and someone who values open and honest relationships. I feel it is important that my life is like an open book. I admit, that some things should be kept private and behind closed doors. But I believe that if you're open and honest, no one can hurt you and throw things back into your face. For instance if I were currently an award winning author and pseudo-celebrity (because obviously my novels and series will have to be made into movies and television series) : P I would not want the tabloids or press to try and kibosh me with anything that happened in my past or something that happened in my life. If my life is an open book, that wouldn't happen without me first admitting to it. Thus avoiding the cause for any kind of scandals and losing the faith of my fans, family and friends.
So without further ado, 10 Things No One Knows About Me
1. I simply adore The Wizard of Oz. Both the movie and the book. No, I think adore is not strong enough of a statement. I am enamoured by it. I have enjoyed watching, singing along and reciting all of the lines of the movie since I was a toddler, and actually have watched it so many times that I broke two VHS tapes, and almost melted my DVD. Judy Garland is simply amazing and I totally adore her to pieces because of her role as Dorothy Gale. I also really really want a Cairn Terrier so that I can name it Toto and carry it around in a basket with me where ever I go.
2. I am a complete and total sci fi, fantasy and superhero geek. I have read as many DC and Marvel comics (The ones about the X-Men are my faves) as I can lay my hands on (most of them, if not all of them, bought by my father when he was growing up). I have read tons of DragonLance books as a teenager, as well as tons of other fantasy novels. And I grew up on Star Trek (complete TGN fanatic!), Star Wars (Love me the original trio), and Doctor Who :) (David Tennant ftw!)
3. I love to bake, and have loved it since I started baking when I was ten. I can successfully make tons of different kinds of cookies, cakes, breads, muffins, cupcakes, cobblers, pies etc. You name it and I can more than likely bake it. I actually wanted to be a pastry chef when I was in high school and cegep. But found out when I graduated from high school that I needed to be eighteen to get into the chef school in Montreal (I was only sixteen when I was applying to graduate) and that the only pastry schools in the area were either French or in Ontario. So due to the fact that I was apprehensive about leaving the Fam., and the fact that I am so not confident in my French to undertake such a commitment as going to school and learning in French, I decided not to. Even though I no longer want to be a professional pastry chef, does not mean that I would not like to at least attend a pastry school and learn the trade. Who knows, if the publishing world ever falls apart, at least then I'd be able to fall back on my love of all things ooey gooey and delicious : D
4. I cannot live without books. I have to have a book on me at all times, and if a purse is not big enough to hold a book, I do not buy it. Books are my life and I'd go completely psycho witch crazy without them. As of late. Okay fine, as of the last four years, I have been on a strict diet of Romance novels with a heavy dose of Paranormal added ; ) With authors like J.R. Ward, Anya Bast, Rhyannon Byrd and Sherrilyn Kenyon gracing my bookshelves as well as tons of others. I just LOVE them! There is just something about a strong cast of characters and a good story that puts me in a good mood and makes me unable to tear myself away from a book. The added sex scenes are definitely a plus but not the only reason to read a Romance novel. They are not all mushy and trashy. Yes, there are dirty and unrealistic scenarios in a lot of the books, with the whole caveman attitude seem hot and desirable, but the heroines of a lot of these novels are also, in most cases, head strong and determined types of the every day career woman. I started off reading Historical Romance novels set in the Highlands of Scotland, and while I will never turn down the chance of reading about a brawny Scotsman with warbraids and a Kilt, there is just something about the Paranormal world of vampires, weres, shapeshifters and Fae that really takes a girl out of her reality and puts her somewhere incredible :)
5. I have a huge thing for guys with Blue eyes. I used to go for the whole tall blonde and handsome thing, but I've realized that it really doesn't matter if the guy is tall or short, blonde or brown, muscular or skinny, etc. Just as long as he has blue eyes, I am one happy woman. I don't really understand it myself, but blues eyes just have this power over me that make my brain stop working and my knees get weak. It's really embarrassing actually. And while I adore Green eyes, there is just something about guys with blue eyes that makes me just sit up and purr. Not literally but you get it.
6. I am a true Gemini, in like every sense of the world. I have at least two personalities and more than likely more. But I am not two faced. I will tell it like it is to anyone and everyone whether they like it or not. I am both brutally honest and outgoing, and shy and recluse at the same time. Or, more technically, at different times. I don't like having these two different personalities, and cannot control either of them very well. One minute I can be this carefree and vibrant person and then in the next moment I become all closed off, shy and defenseless person who cowers at every possible moment. It is ridiculous. Pure and Simple. But C'est la Vie. and I've learned to semi-deal with it.
7. I love Broadway Musicals. I think this stems from my love and admiration of The Wizard of Oz. But ever since high school I've loved musicals. I have seen Cats preformed live two or three times, and have watched the television performance on PBS, my VHS and DVD tons of times. (I love Victoria, the pure White Cat) I have also watched Rent, Chicago, Jesus Christ Superstar, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show on TV and DVD. I have listened to Ragtime, Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Evita, The Producers and almost everything that Andrew Lloyd Weber had a hand in creating. And I love television shows like Glee that emphasis the importance of Music and musicals in everyday life. I have yet, unfortunately, gotten to actually go to Broadway and watch a Musical be performed there, opting instead to watch Cats be performed at Place des arts here in Mtl. But I dream of going to NYC and watching Wicked and many other musicals one day in the not so far off future :)
8. My favourite actor is Adam Sandler. I know it sounds crazy, but I really enjoy watching him in movies. I have actually seen something like 80% of all the movies he has acted in. With 50 First Dates (co-starring Drew Barrymore and Sean Astin) being my all time fave. But I also just watched his movie with Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It, and that was simply amazing. And it was actually through that movie that I realized that I actually seek out and enjoy anything to do with Adam Sandler. He not only makes me laugh a whole bunch, but I also love the happy endings, and romance that he brings to his comedy films. I also love how he is able to work with just about anyone and make the relationship believable and chemistry shine. I am totally looking forward to watching Zookeeper that is coming out soon, if it isn't already, in which Sandler voices the character of a Monkey. And his up coming movie (out June 15th 2012) called "I Hate You, Dad " in which he stars alongside Leighton Meester, and Susan Surandon, with Milo Ventimiglia, Andy Samberg, Ian Ziering and Vanilla Ice also included in the cast.
9. I still, to this day, sleep with a teddy bear. Actually, I have to sleep with two Doodle bears. One I got when I was twelve from my God-father, who I named DJ. And the other I stole from my sister, who was throwing it out anyway, which my cousins named Mr. Bear. If I do not have them to cuddle with, I go stir crazy and cannot sleep. Which I realize may seem childish and a bit obsessive, but I can't help it. I also understand that when I get to the point in my life where I have to start sharing my bed with a significant other, my whole obsession with the bears may cause problems, but my answer to that is, I'll hit that bridge when I come to it and not before lol
And Finally
10. Blood, guts, gore etc. makes me hungry. While most people turn away from the television or movie screen whenever something bloody or gory comes to the foreground, and I will admit I am a tad bit squeamish myself at times, I usually just get a craving for food. Usually a hamburger or even just chips. I usually try to deny these cravings but every once and awhile I give in. This fact baffles my family, because I am able to sit through shows like CSI, True Blood, Criminal Minds and Bones, as well as doctor shows like Grey's Anatomy, where blood is a everyday occurrence, and the standing rule is more guts more blood, more brutality equals higher ratings. I am able to sit through all of that, where any normal person will want to lose their lunch, and here I am hungry or even eating. I also, this past winter semester, sat through a two hour lecture on cannibalism and ritual blood sacrificing in the Greek Bronze Age, eating an apple during the lecture, and had to go over to McDo's after the class to grab a Cheese burger after the lecture. Dad says that I'm a sick individual, I just say that I've been desensitized to all things blood guts and gore and just associate it all with food.
**********
So there we have it. 10 Things No One, or well actually not many people, Know About Me. I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. I've learned a lot about myself this past week through these posts and some deep internal thinking and monologue-ing. And I would strongly suggest that anyone, and everyone, try to get to know themselves a bit better. Mostly because if you do not know everything about yourself, how can you be honest with those you care about who do want to know all about you.
Wishing you all tons of Peace, Love and Happiness :)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Vulnerability
Lately I've been in a kind of slump. I haven't been feeling myself and have been tremendously worried about everything and anything. But I've come to the decision that none of it really matters at all and I just really have to focus on other things that actually do matter and things I care about. Such as Writing. ;)
Have I ever mentioned how much I adore writing? and reading? Well basically anything that has to do with the written word? I mean seriously, words are so incredibly powerful and meaningful. It is simply amazing that with one simple sentence you can bring a room of people to tears, or have them experience any kind of emotion. To top it all off, one sentence could entice readers to go through different emotions or remember different experiences.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that Words have Power. and you may say one thing and mean it one way but the person reading or even hearing those words may take it a completely different way. which may or may not be a good thing. But it is incredible.
Right now, I'm feeling inspired. I just came down to my room after catching up on the last three episodes of The Glee Project. (Loving it btw! Damian, Cameron and Matheus are my absolute Faves! and I have a real soft spot for Samuel too :) He actually reminds me a whole bunch of Jacob Underwood of O-Town...and I really can't figure out why.... ) Any who, so I'm feeling really inspired by the whole audition process and the different tasks they have to go through each week. For example today's episode was about recognizing and coming to terms with your own Vulnerability. So each person had to wear a sign during the music video shoot (walking around what looked like an actual mall) with a word or phrase that addresses what they feel most vulnerable about. For example one of the contestants wrote Gay, another had Misunderstood, another Fake etc. They also had an episode of Glee this past season where the characters had to write their own signs, My faves were Brit's "<-- I'm with Stoopid" shirt, Puck's "I'm with Stupid -->" shirt, and Kirk's "I like Boys" shirt.
And I was thinking, if I was in the same situation, what would my sign say??
It's actually a hard question to answer with a single word. Mostly because I feel that it's hard to choose just one thing. I feel as though so many of us have more than one thing that makes them vulnerable. But I guess that's what makes this a challenge...... So I've been able to narrow down what my sign, or shirt, would probably have to say. It would have to either be Forgettable or Unwanted. and actually, I'm leaning more towards the "Unwanted" shirt.... And, like the characters and contestants of the Glee shows, I'm going to explain my choices.
First off, Forgettable. It seems to me that no matter how hard I try, how nice, friendly, and outgoing I am, I am always being asked by people, and hell even my own family, "Who are you again?" It doesn't matter how long I've known them or how close we were as friends or whatever, I'm still get that reaction from like everyone! And it drives me completely Bonkers!!!! I mean I take the time and remember who you are and all these kinds of things even if I only met you once and all I get it "Who are you?" "Do I know you?" Geez! And I find it so weird because I feel as though I have a big personality, I'm super friendly although a bit shy and reserved at times, I enjoy laughing about how dumb some of the things that come out of my mouth are, and I'm a fantastic listener. But still, apparently none of my character and personality actually gets through and comes across to other people and it really bothers me. I want to make a difference in this word and meaningful, to mean something to someone or many someones and yet I'm being constantly overlooked and forgotten. That's why I think Forgettable would be a great word for me.
And then we have Unwanted. This is a very deep and hurtful word, especially for me. and it really conveys a whole heck of a lot about me and who I am inside and out. And I guess it ties into being Forgettable. But really it starts off with my childhood. My mom left my father, sister and I when I was seven, but took my youngest sister. At the time, and technically still now, I didn't understand what I did to make her leave. It was a very personal problem, and I didn't think that her leaving had anything to do with my father or what was going on in her own head and heart. All I knew was that I did something wrong, she didn't love or care about me anymore, and wanted to get away from me and keep me away from my baby sister, like I'd hurt her or corrupt her or something. I have no idea, I just felt completely unloved and Unwanted.
Within a year, and apparently a whole court battle, my mom had visitation rights with my sister and I having to spend every second weekend and certain holidays with her and her new family. In my screwed up little seven year old head, I believed that Mom actually only wanted Amanda back and not me, but that Dad forced the whole not one without the other packaged deal. So still I was feeling Unwanted.
When she actually moved back into the area almost two years later with my new baby brother added to the family, I began living alone with my father. Amanda opted to live with mom, even though my brain and heart were screaming to me that I was still Unwanted by my mom. I've always felt this way about my relationship with my mom, and to this day I still do. Seeing as how at every moment of my life after she moved back, and the courts forced her to take me in as well, she'd yell at me that she'd give me back to my father and never let me see my siblings again. I never dreaded moving back to live with my dad, even though we get along like oil and water, but I hated the idea of never seeing my siblings again, so I'd shut up, mind my P's and Q's until I couldn't take it anymore.
Around the time when my mom moved back and the courts forced her to take me in, even though she was living in a 4 & 1/2 apartment with 6 people living in it, I felt Unwanted by my dad. All because the night she came and got me from my dad's house, I was crying, yelling and fighting the whole time. I wanted so desperately to stay with Dad and then he said the words that will never leave my head "I don't want you here. Go with your mother." Those words tore me apart and I hated him for so long because of them. I went from at least feeling wanted and loved by my father; my idol and role model for my entire life, [hell when I was a baby/toddler I used to walk around with my shirt off and lounge around on the couch watching Star Trek and/or Football all the time saying "I'm Daddy" or that "When I grow up I'm going to be Daddy". ] to realizing that he didn't want me either. Ergo "Unwanted" yet again. (I've actually come to realize, thanks to my Aunt this past summer, that Dad only said those things to make it easier on himself, that actually he fought a whole hell of a lot and for a hell of a long time to get Amanda and I back, to no avail. Apparently non-working women are more suited to raising children opposed to a hardworking man with a huge support system. Stupid governmental system) Any who So I've felt because of these happenings, unwanted by my parents.
Fast forward to the school and dating life of teenager and young adult of yours truly. And again, nothing but feelings of being unwanted. The eternal Outcast with a small number of people who could actually stand to be around me, but still would rather hang out with anyone but. I developed a wicked attitude and was deemed "The Queen Bitch" throughout all of High School,[ except for Sec V when I was at a different school, there I was referred to as "The City Girl". Quite Ironic since people from Cegep think of me as "The Country Girl"] and CEGEP, as a defense mechanism. If people didn't want me around them, then I didn't care and certainly didn't want them around me. I've since mellowed out, cooled off, and have developed this Bubbly "I'm kind of smart but really I'm just dumb and pretending to be intelligent" kind of personality with more of my inner Rocker/Nerd/Goddess vibe kind of thing happening. ( At least I think so lol) Anyway Throughout all this time, I've had only a few friends and NO Boyfriends whatsoever. All this equals major feelings of being Unwanted.
With all that said, I guess I could argue for either word to be plastered across my chest, but I think Unwanted is more apropos, deeper and more meaningful than just being Forgettable. Especially since I actually just teared up a heck of a lot just now when typing this all out.
Oh.My.Damn. I'm such a Dork! :S
So yeah, Vulnerability is a HUGE word, and ties into what I was talking about in the beginning about words having so much power and different meanings. I mean the simple word Vulnerable or Vulnerability could cause people to think inwards onto themselves, or outwards onto someone else. The dictionary gives 3 different meanings to the word Vulnerable and the one that makes the most sense to this context is "capable of being physically or emotionally wounded". and really just hearing or feeling like I'm Unwanted for whatever reason wounds me tremendously. It's my Kryptonite, or Achilles' Heel. Speaking of The man of Steel and the hunky Greek Hero, both of their vulnerabilities are a huge weakness to them but are not their only weaknesses. Humanity in general is also one of Superman's weaknesses, or maybe something more close to his heart like Lois Lane, or even the fact that he is an alien. All of these things make him vulnerable and weak even though in all other respects he is virtually indestructible.
Being Unwanted or even believing that I am Unwanted is a huge weakness of mine, I think, because it causes me to doubt myself in every aspect. As if I'm not good enough, won't be chosen or wanted, so why bother trying at all. I think that's why I'm having such a hard time writing or moving ahead in my life. I feel like I'm not good enough, and won't be wanted. Hell whenever I'm feeling down and depressed the first words shouted out of my mouth is the fact that I'm not supposed to be alive. [I was not supposed to have survived my birth, I've been hospitalized twice in my life since then and was supposed to have died each time, and I had my palm read once and the person said that my life line was so small that she didn't understand how I was still alive]
So yeah I think that's it for now. I also wanted to work out some other things that they showed on the show and on the website, like 10 things no one knows about you, and What inspired you?, and other things like that but I guess, since I'm practically falling asleep on my laptop here, that I'm write about them another time. Soon, I promise! I realize that I'm not exactly consistent in my blogging, even though I set out to attempt to write every day or at least every few days, and well it's been months between posts, but I swear I'm going to try and do better! :-)
It's a powerful word, and is Rae's Ultimate Vulnerability.
What word or phrase would you use to expresses your Vulnerability?
Have I ever mentioned how much I adore writing? and reading? Well basically anything that has to do with the written word? I mean seriously, words are so incredibly powerful and meaningful. It is simply amazing that with one simple sentence you can bring a room of people to tears, or have them experience any kind of emotion. To top it all off, one sentence could entice readers to go through different emotions or remember different experiences.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that Words have Power. and you may say one thing and mean it one way but the person reading or even hearing those words may take it a completely different way. which may or may not be a good thing. But it is incredible.
Right now, I'm feeling inspired. I just came down to my room after catching up on the last three episodes of The Glee Project. (Loving it btw! Damian, Cameron and Matheus are my absolute Faves! and I have a real soft spot for Samuel too :) He actually reminds me a whole bunch of Jacob Underwood of O-Town...and I really can't figure out why.... ) Any who, so I'm feeling really inspired by the whole audition process and the different tasks they have to go through each week. For example today's episode was about recognizing and coming to terms with your own Vulnerability. So each person had to wear a sign during the music video shoot (walking around what looked like an actual mall) with a word or phrase that addresses what they feel most vulnerable about. For example one of the contestants wrote Gay, another had Misunderstood, another Fake etc. They also had an episode of Glee this past season where the characters had to write their own signs, My faves were Brit's "<-- I'm with Stoopid" shirt, Puck's "I'm with Stupid -->" shirt, and Kirk's "I like Boys" shirt.
And I was thinking, if I was in the same situation, what would my sign say??
It's actually a hard question to answer with a single word. Mostly because I feel that it's hard to choose just one thing. I feel as though so many of us have more than one thing that makes them vulnerable. But I guess that's what makes this a challenge...... So I've been able to narrow down what my sign, or shirt, would probably have to say. It would have to either be Forgettable or Unwanted. and actually, I'm leaning more towards the "Unwanted" shirt.... And, like the characters and contestants of the Glee shows, I'm going to explain my choices.
First off, Forgettable. It seems to me that no matter how hard I try, how nice, friendly, and outgoing I am, I am always being asked by people, and hell even my own family, "Who are you again?" It doesn't matter how long I've known them or how close we were as friends or whatever, I'm still get that reaction from like everyone! And it drives me completely Bonkers!!!! I mean I take the time and remember who you are and all these kinds of things even if I only met you once and all I get it "Who are you?" "Do I know you?" Geez! And I find it so weird because I feel as though I have a big personality, I'm super friendly although a bit shy and reserved at times, I enjoy laughing about how dumb some of the things that come out of my mouth are, and I'm a fantastic listener. But still, apparently none of my character and personality actually gets through and comes across to other people and it really bothers me. I want to make a difference in this word and meaningful, to mean something to someone or many someones and yet I'm being constantly overlooked and forgotten. That's why I think Forgettable would be a great word for me.
And then we have Unwanted. This is a very deep and hurtful word, especially for me. and it really conveys a whole heck of a lot about me and who I am inside and out. And I guess it ties into being Forgettable. But really it starts off with my childhood. My mom left my father, sister and I when I was seven, but took my youngest sister. At the time, and technically still now, I didn't understand what I did to make her leave. It was a very personal problem, and I didn't think that her leaving had anything to do with my father or what was going on in her own head and heart. All I knew was that I did something wrong, she didn't love or care about me anymore, and wanted to get away from me and keep me away from my baby sister, like I'd hurt her or corrupt her or something. I have no idea, I just felt completely unloved and Unwanted.
Within a year, and apparently a whole court battle, my mom had visitation rights with my sister and I having to spend every second weekend and certain holidays with her and her new family. In my screwed up little seven year old head, I believed that Mom actually only wanted Amanda back and not me, but that Dad forced the whole not one without the other packaged deal. So still I was feeling Unwanted.
When she actually moved back into the area almost two years later with my new baby brother added to the family, I began living alone with my father. Amanda opted to live with mom, even though my brain and heart were screaming to me that I was still Unwanted by my mom. I've always felt this way about my relationship with my mom, and to this day I still do. Seeing as how at every moment of my life after she moved back, and the courts forced her to take me in as well, she'd yell at me that she'd give me back to my father and never let me see my siblings again. I never dreaded moving back to live with my dad, even though we get along like oil and water, but I hated the idea of never seeing my siblings again, so I'd shut up, mind my P's and Q's until I couldn't take it anymore.
Around the time when my mom moved back and the courts forced her to take me in, even though she was living in a 4 & 1/2 apartment with 6 people living in it, I felt Unwanted by my dad. All because the night she came and got me from my dad's house, I was crying, yelling and fighting the whole time. I wanted so desperately to stay with Dad and then he said the words that will never leave my head "I don't want you here. Go with your mother." Those words tore me apart and I hated him for so long because of them. I went from at least feeling wanted and loved by my father; my idol and role model for my entire life, [hell when I was a baby/toddler I used to walk around with my shirt off and lounge around on the couch watching Star Trek and/or Football all the time saying "I'm Daddy" or that "When I grow up I'm going to be Daddy". ] to realizing that he didn't want me either. Ergo "Unwanted" yet again. (I've actually come to realize, thanks to my Aunt this past summer, that Dad only said those things to make it easier on himself, that actually he fought a whole hell of a lot and for a hell of a long time to get Amanda and I back, to no avail. Apparently non-working women are more suited to raising children opposed to a hardworking man with a huge support system. Stupid governmental system) Any who So I've felt because of these happenings, unwanted by my parents.
Fast forward to the school and dating life of teenager and young adult of yours truly. And again, nothing but feelings of being unwanted. The eternal Outcast with a small number of people who could actually stand to be around me, but still would rather hang out with anyone but. I developed a wicked attitude and was deemed "The Queen Bitch" throughout all of High School,[ except for Sec V when I was at a different school, there I was referred to as "The City Girl". Quite Ironic since people from Cegep think of me as "The Country Girl"] and CEGEP, as a defense mechanism. If people didn't want me around them, then I didn't care and certainly didn't want them around me. I've since mellowed out, cooled off, and have developed this Bubbly "I'm kind of smart but really I'm just dumb and pretending to be intelligent" kind of personality with more of my inner Rocker/Nerd/Goddess vibe kind of thing happening. ( At least I think so lol) Anyway Throughout all this time, I've had only a few friends and NO Boyfriends whatsoever. All this equals major feelings of being Unwanted.
With all that said, I guess I could argue for either word to be plastered across my chest, but I think Unwanted is more apropos, deeper and more meaningful than just being Forgettable. Especially since I actually just teared up a heck of a lot just now when typing this all out.
Oh.My.Damn. I'm such a Dork! :S
So yeah, Vulnerability is a HUGE word, and ties into what I was talking about in the beginning about words having so much power and different meanings. I mean the simple word Vulnerable or Vulnerability could cause people to think inwards onto themselves, or outwards onto someone else. The dictionary gives 3 different meanings to the word Vulnerable and the one that makes the most sense to this context is "capable of being physically or emotionally wounded". and really just hearing or feeling like I'm Unwanted for whatever reason wounds me tremendously. It's my Kryptonite, or Achilles' Heel. Speaking of The man of Steel and the hunky Greek Hero, both of their vulnerabilities are a huge weakness to them but are not their only weaknesses. Humanity in general is also one of Superman's weaknesses, or maybe something more close to his heart like Lois Lane, or even the fact that he is an alien. All of these things make him vulnerable and weak even though in all other respects he is virtually indestructible.
Being Unwanted or even believing that I am Unwanted is a huge weakness of mine, I think, because it causes me to doubt myself in every aspect. As if I'm not good enough, won't be chosen or wanted, so why bother trying at all. I think that's why I'm having such a hard time writing or moving ahead in my life. I feel like I'm not good enough, and won't be wanted. Hell whenever I'm feeling down and depressed the first words shouted out of my mouth is the fact that I'm not supposed to be alive. [I was not supposed to have survived my birth, I've been hospitalized twice in my life since then and was supposed to have died each time, and I had my palm read once and the person said that my life line was so small that she didn't understand how I was still alive]
So yeah I think that's it for now. I also wanted to work out some other things that they showed on the show and on the website, like 10 things no one knows about you, and What inspired you?, and other things like that but I guess, since I'm practically falling asleep on my laptop here, that I'm write about them another time. Soon, I promise! I realize that I'm not exactly consistent in my blogging, even though I set out to attempt to write every day or at least every few days, and well it's been months between posts, but I swear I'm going to try and do better! :-)
UNWANTED
It's a powerful word, and is Rae's Ultimate Vulnerability.
What word or phrase would you use to expresses your Vulnerability?
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