Things that Make you Want to say AHHHHH

Hello and Good Evening to everyone and anyone who cares to read what I have to say

I am writing to you all from the comfort of my living room couch while watching one of my favourite actresses in one of my favourite movies. That is right, I am watching Reese Witherspoon playing opposite Mark Ruffalo in Just Like Heaven... I have to say that this movie gives me hope in the strength and power of true love and to the length some people will go to get what they want. But then again, even though I love this movie and the fact that I am unfortunately a hopeless romantic, this movie and many other of its genre make me incredibly mad. I mean what is the point of having fairy tales and happy endings when they only exist in movies and books. The reality of life is that none of this is real. If you end up in a coma because of some terrible car accident, you are not going to appear as a spirit or ghost in your apartment and become only visible to the man who is renting out your home. If you eat a poison apple or get pricked by a poisoned spindle, getting kissed by some random stranger who is supposedly your "true love" is not going to wake you up and get you better. The fact of the matter is, in all of these cases, you will most likely end up dead, in the ground, and that will be the end of that. Now I understand that these are all extreme and totally unlikely circumstances. So let's get more realistic here for a second. If we are all supposed to have this one person that we are meant to be with for the rest of our lives, how are we supposed to know who they are. I mean you could be friends with them since childhood and never realize that you're meant to be together forever. Or you could pass them on the street, or sit beside them on the bus, who knows. How are we supposed to know that we're meant to be together if we never meet. Or if we do meet, who is to say that we actually "click' or that we are even attracted to each other. I mean honestly, who is there to say that your "soul mate" isn't this butt ugly abusive asshole? Honestly, if that is my future, then I will gladly avoid that sink hole. But then again, by the same rules, who is to say that your "soul mate" isn't incredibly gorgeous, intelligent, and rich? Honestly I will settle for someone who is sweet, funny, and makes me feel loved or at least appreciated. It would be only added perks if he were rich and gorgeous. When I was younger, I was totally into the whole "soul mate" "true love" concepts with the whole kit and kabutal, like the huge wedding, tons of kids the white picket fence and two story house. But I've come down to reality and realized that none of that ever happens. I'm actually really sad about that fact but it is kind of refreshing to know that I'm not the only one who is doomed

Okay, so I know that I said that I would talk about this reoccurring series of dreams that have been haunting me, and I totally will right now however briefly, because the diatribe above has a whole lot to do with my dreams.

 Have you ever had one of those dreams that totally freak you out because you never expected to have it? I mean really, really freaked you out? because that is what has been happening since geez I think December if not later, or maybe earlier...???.... I have no idea, I can't remember. But anyway it has been happening a lot and really frequently. And not only at night when I'm sleeping, but the dreams have started happening in the forms of daydreams, and randomly like when I'm on the bus, or walking to school, or checking my emails. I will totally just zone out and the dreams just rush to me and I'm in a strange room in some compromising position, mostly up against a door, and he is there. I mean of course he is there but come on! There has never been an "us" except for in my messed up head. I have this bad habit of becoming slightly obsessed with my crushes. Not in the stalker kind of obsessive, or in the I can't eat or breathe without being near them or seeing them kind of way. No I'm mostly the mental kind of obsessive. They are always on my mind, but I never do anything about the crush because I know that it is all in my head. Most of the time it only last a week or so. The longest one of these mental crushes lasted 2 years and the shortest was 1 day. So all of the time, I do nothing about it because it is all in my head, mostly. I mean there obviously must be something with my longer crushes, some kind of attraction or something. But I still do nothing because I'm still convinced it is still in my head. But with this one guy it's been, geez almost since I've known him, I've liked him. But, of course, never did anything about it more then the casual friendly flirt and to be honest I'm not very good at that, I'm more terrifying then flirty... but whatever... anyway so when the dreams started I hadn't seen or heard from in in like six months and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, I have this incredibly hot, sweaty, and embarrassing dream with him. One of those dreams where you even wake up embarrassed! :S But when I woke up I wasn't just embarrassed, I was also frustrated...like really frustrated. One of the many reasons was because, in the dream, we were totally interrupted by some motherly voice asking if we were there and if we were hungry.... odd right?! so anyway, the dream, and many different facets and aspects of the dream keep coming back to me and it is driving me NUTS!!!!!

One of my friends suggested that these dreams are like the cosmos trying to tell me to do something about making it happen, but I dunno... I did, out of some twisted, masochistic, and sadistic sense of personal torture; text him and hinted about the dream and the outcome both in the dream and afterward. He made some comment about not knowing what the future holds for everyone and blah blah blah. But what really drives me nuts is that we've been texting each other more frequently now, msning and all that and have been trying to set up sometime to meet up for drinks or movies or whatever. every time gets canceled.... Mostly because it is the flippin hockey season, but also because I am a freaking scaredy cat..but whatever... It isn't happening and I'm fed up!! I am at the point where I am trying to completely forget about the whole thing and just move on but omg the dreams!!! they don't want to give up and let me be!!!

Any ideas about what I can do??? Please? Anyone?

Peace, Love and Happiness to all!

Airing out the Crazies part 2

Hello Blogger Universe,

I promised last time to explain my love for two NFL teams. The Minnesota Vikings and the New England Patriots! Now since I was a little girl who just wanted to spend some time with her father, I have loved sports and science fiction. More specifically I have loved watching sports, mainly the NFL. I used to spend all year in anticipation of the upcoming football season, because I would be able to spend the weekends with my father on the couch where I would be taught the many rules and regulations, terminologies and hand signals as well as the many ways to yell at the ref and coaches. These became and remain my favourite moments of my childhood, especially since I am the product of a separated and then divorced family.

Throughout the years one team has remained near and dear to my father. The New England Patriots have always been my dad's team. He would always make sure that we were watching a Pats game and used to boast that it was his dream to go to the Super Bowl where the Pats would play for the ultimate trophy any NFL team could win.... I, like the perfect Daddy's little girl that I am, have also always loved the Patriots.

However my father allowed me to make up my own mind and to have my own ideas. I started to enjoy the game, the teams, the colours and the excitement. Steve Young, San Francisco 49ers QB became my favourite until he retired (1999) and with his retirement came a deep sadness for me. I blamed the team for some unknown and wacky reason. And decided that the Oakland Raiders needed my devotion... Not my proudest moment but it happened... And then, thanks to a Christmas present from my Dad, I found Randy Moss WR!!! Since that time I have followed Moss' career, for the most part. The Minnesota Vikings became my fast favourite due to Moss, but mainly because their main team colour was and still is Purple... Since then Randy Moss has been my all-time favourite player and when he got traded to Oakland I basically stopped watching for a season, because I couldn't go through the hopelessness that is involved with being a Raiders fan. So when Moss became a Patriot, I was ecstatic. But that does not mean that I have lost my love for the Vikings. I have tried to stay loyal to the Vikings despite the fact that Moss is in New England, in fact whenever I play Madden I insist in playing the Vikings. But other than that I am completely split between the two teams.

Next time, I plan on finishing up with the introductions with establishing the idea that I am not crazy or anything like that because I have re-occurring dreams. Okay, maybe a little bit crazy, but not totally because I honestly do not feel crazy but then again I have no idea why I am having these dreams, especially since they are merely that, dreams. They have never happened in real life unlike many of my nightmares... That's another thing, nightmares, no matter how old you are, are FREAKING TERRIFYING! and I truly believe that the older you are the scarier they get, and that sometimes things that scare you when you are little are just as scary, if not more so, as you get older....

Peace, Love and Happy Dreams to all!

Meeting, Greeting, and Airing out the Crazies

Salut blogger world!

As you will all come to learn, my name is Rae and this is my blog. ;D Now many people set up blogs for many different reasons, and if you are looking for your average blogs where people air their dirty laundry and daily events and achievements of the lives, this is sooo not the place for you..... If you know me, or have bothered to read the side bar where I tell ya'll about myself, I am an aspiring novelist, who just needs a creative outlet to empty my head of all the chaos in order to push my creative ideas to the forefront and enable me to complete my first novel. Now this might seem completely crazy, but it has been my experience that if I talk or write things out my ideas come out more easily and they are usually fantastic ideas.

Now I want to welcome all of my readers, if there are any, to my blog. I hope that my nonsensical ramblings make you feel more at ease or understand me better or whatever. I want to make clear though, that this is a blog to merely "air out the crazies" that jumble and clog up my head. Most of the time that means that I will be talking about things that have been bothering me or haunting me or replaying on a constant loop inside of my head, and other times it will mean that I just want to bounce some new ideas for my novels off of anyone who reads this, or at the very least, with the immensity that is cyberspace.

Today, for instance, is Wednesday May 12th. And anyone, who calls themselves a Montrealer, will be glued to a television screen somewhere in or out of the city, in order to watch game 7 between our boys Cammie, Halak, PK and the rest of the Habs team versus Crosby and the Pens... I, however, like during game 6, will be in my Late Victorian and Edwardian Writing class from 6:30 to 9pm.... Normally this wouldn't bother me. I am immensely proud to admit that I am a huge NFL fan, Go Viks! and Go Pats! (yes I'm torn between the two but I'll eventually get around to explaining why) and really never bothered with any other sport because football rules, names, plays etc took up most of my brain capacity that is used for sports. And for the most part, that is still true. But I have been assimilated, at least for playoff season, to make sure that the bleu blanc rouge wins and brings home the Stanley Cup! So anyway, I will be unable to watch the game, but I have a system, lol. It is called having a cell phone, twitter, and having a friend who tweets the scores. plus having a sister who will watch the game and also text me the scores and end of period scores and whatnot. So, yes, I will be constantly receiving texts to my phone, but that is why they invented silent mode :P So even though I will be suffering through a horrendous course that makes me want to pull my eyes out slowly with my push-men pencil, I will be connected to reality and the game through my phone. :D  GO HABS GO!

Now I have so much to say, specially about a reoccurring dream that has me waking up smiling and keeps me happy for a few hours until I realize that it was merely a dream and will never actually come true because he is a dodging shifty jerkwad....grrrrrr!!!........But I feel as though I have revealed enough for my first post. But believe me, there will be more.

Peace, Love and Happiness to all!