Things that Make you Want to say AHHHHH

Hello and Good Evening to everyone and anyone who cares to read what I have to say

I am writing to you all from the comfort of my living room couch while watching one of my favourite actresses in one of my favourite movies. That is right, I am watching Reese Witherspoon playing opposite Mark Ruffalo in Just Like Heaven... I have to say that this movie gives me hope in the strength and power of true love and to the length some people will go to get what they want. But then again, even though I love this movie and the fact that I am unfortunately a hopeless romantic, this movie and many other of its genre make me incredibly mad. I mean what is the point of having fairy tales and happy endings when they only exist in movies and books. The reality of life is that none of this is real. If you end up in a coma because of some terrible car accident, you are not going to appear as a spirit or ghost in your apartment and become only visible to the man who is renting out your home. If you eat a poison apple or get pricked by a poisoned spindle, getting kissed by some random stranger who is supposedly your "true love" is not going to wake you up and get you better. The fact of the matter is, in all of these cases, you will most likely end up dead, in the ground, and that will be the end of that. Now I understand that these are all extreme and totally unlikely circumstances. So let's get more realistic here for a second. If we are all supposed to have this one person that we are meant to be with for the rest of our lives, how are we supposed to know who they are. I mean you could be friends with them since childhood and never realize that you're meant to be together forever. Or you could pass them on the street, or sit beside them on the bus, who knows. How are we supposed to know that we're meant to be together if we never meet. Or if we do meet, who is to say that we actually "click' or that we are even attracted to each other. I mean honestly, who is there to say that your "soul mate" isn't this butt ugly abusive asshole? Honestly, if that is my future, then I will gladly avoid that sink hole. But then again, by the same rules, who is to say that your "soul mate" isn't incredibly gorgeous, intelligent, and rich? Honestly I will settle for someone who is sweet, funny, and makes me feel loved or at least appreciated. It would be only added perks if he were rich and gorgeous. When I was younger, I was totally into the whole "soul mate" "true love" concepts with the whole kit and kabutal, like the huge wedding, tons of kids the white picket fence and two story house. But I've come down to reality and realized that none of that ever happens. I'm actually really sad about that fact but it is kind of refreshing to know that I'm not the only one who is doomed

Okay, so I know that I said that I would talk about this reoccurring series of dreams that have been haunting me, and I totally will right now however briefly, because the diatribe above has a whole lot to do with my dreams.

 Have you ever had one of those dreams that totally freak you out because you never expected to have it? I mean really, really freaked you out? because that is what has been happening since geez I think December if not later, or maybe earlier...???.... I have no idea, I can't remember. But anyway it has been happening a lot and really frequently. And not only at night when I'm sleeping, but the dreams have started happening in the forms of daydreams, and randomly like when I'm on the bus, or walking to school, or checking my emails. I will totally just zone out and the dreams just rush to me and I'm in a strange room in some compromising position, mostly up against a door, and he is there. I mean of course he is there but come on! There has never been an "us" except for in my messed up head. I have this bad habit of becoming slightly obsessed with my crushes. Not in the stalker kind of obsessive, or in the I can't eat or breathe without being near them or seeing them kind of way. No I'm mostly the mental kind of obsessive. They are always on my mind, but I never do anything about the crush because I know that it is all in my head. Most of the time it only last a week or so. The longest one of these mental crushes lasted 2 years and the shortest was 1 day. So all of the time, I do nothing about it because it is all in my head, mostly. I mean there obviously must be something with my longer crushes, some kind of attraction or something. But I still do nothing because I'm still convinced it is still in my head. But with this one guy it's been, geez almost since I've known him, I've liked him. But, of course, never did anything about it more then the casual friendly flirt and to be honest I'm not very good at that, I'm more terrifying then flirty... but whatever... anyway so when the dreams started I hadn't seen or heard from in in like six months and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, I have this incredibly hot, sweaty, and embarrassing dream with him. One of those dreams where you even wake up embarrassed! :S But when I woke up I wasn't just embarrassed, I was also frustrated...like really frustrated. One of the many reasons was because, in the dream, we were totally interrupted by some motherly voice asking if we were there and if we were hungry.... odd right?! so anyway, the dream, and many different facets and aspects of the dream keep coming back to me and it is driving me NUTS!!!!!

One of my friends suggested that these dreams are like the cosmos trying to tell me to do something about making it happen, but I dunno... I did, out of some twisted, masochistic, and sadistic sense of personal torture; text him and hinted about the dream and the outcome both in the dream and afterward. He made some comment about not knowing what the future holds for everyone and blah blah blah. But what really drives me nuts is that we've been texting each other more frequently now, msning and all that and have been trying to set up sometime to meet up for drinks or movies or whatever. every time gets canceled.... Mostly because it is the flippin hockey season, but also because I am a freaking scaredy cat..but whatever... It isn't happening and I'm fed up!! I am at the point where I am trying to completely forget about the whole thing and just move on but omg the dreams!!! they don't want to give up and let me be!!!

Any ideas about what I can do??? Please? Anyone?

Peace, Love and Happiness to all!